So, I have a lot to say about recovery, and although I have said odd things here and there, I have never accumulated it all into one single post. So I thought it was about time I did. I warn you, this could will be long, and you may not completely agree with some of the things I say, but these are the lessons I have learnt from recovery, and these are some of the things that have got me to where I am today, close to full remission from an eating disorder.

Firstly, the moment you start contemplating recovery, that single second where it crosses your mind – you are on your way. Even if it is a week, a month or even a year before you really start to battle your eating disorder, having thoughts of recovery in your mind is the first step. You are throwing the term around, which means you are beginning to think about what recovery is, what it means, and how to go about it. Even if you sit there thinking, no way, not yet – you are still acknowledging the possibility and all things that are possible start with a possibility – not matter how big or small.

Secondly, so many think of recovery as a huge, massive unachievable thing. You don’t say I’m in recovery and then magically the next day you are recovered. I think people put a huge amount of pressure upon themselves, once they decide to recover they think right, I’ll give it everything I’ve got and then I’ll be fine super quick. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Slow and steady wins the race. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. You need to take your time, figure things out mentally, and physically and give yourself, your mind and your body time to adjust to each small stage of the recovery journey. Recovery doesn’t have to be about going from eating nothing to 3 meals a day and some snacks thrown in too. Yes, one day you will get there but it is completely defeatist to set yourself up with high goals. Remember when you first started trying to restrict, could you go the entire day without food straight away? No, you had to train yourself into it. It’s exactly the same for recovery – just the other way around. Little things, little steps. Putting some extra cream in your coffee, having a chunk of chocolate, an extra piece of fruit or shaving 5 minutes off your workout time are all huge achievements, and they are achievable. These little things will all eventually add up, and each little step is a step towards recovery.

Keep reminding yourself that you deserve recovery. Of course you do. No matter what you believe you have done in the past, leave it there. There is nothing you can do to change it, you can only learn from it and better yourself. Absolutely nobody deserves to slowly kill themselves by starving, or binging, or purging. Do you see eating disorder as a punishment anywhere? In school? In jail? Even the worst people in the world would not be ‘given’ an eating disorder through choice. Therefore, no matter what you have done, no matter how low you feel you are – you do deserve recovery. Recovery means happiness, a life, mental and physical stability. Why should someone not deserve that? It’s important when you sit down for a meal, when you don’t want to eat it, think why. If it is because you don’t deserve it, ask yourself what eating will achieve, it will achieve recovery. When you feel like you don’t deserve everyone’s support, or you don’t deserve those expensive therapy sessions, ask yourself, why should you deny yourself recovery? You do, deserve it.

It’s important that throughout recovery you think about the life you have ahead of you. It will be tempting to think of life before you became eating disordered, try not to become obsessed with how things ‘were’. Don’t set ‘being normal again’ or ‘who you were before’ as a goal, because experiencing an eating disorder is unique, extremely difficult and character building. What you have been through and what you have had to live with will have changed you. It is highly likely that you won’t be the same person again. It might be hard to realise this, but you have to remember that the person you were before, had the capacity to have an eating disorder. The person you can become will be able to leave that behind. See the changes in yourself as a positive thing; tell yourself that living through an eating disorder has changed your perspective. You’ve experienced self hatred and lack of self esteem, you now know what a dark place that is and that you don’t want to go there again. It can be so difficult to accept this, but it’ll be worth it. You will learn to love yourself again, and respect and accept who you are.

Surround yourself with positive supportive people. They don’t even have to know about your troubles. One of the most important people during my recovery was a friend who knew I was struggling with something but wasn’t aware what. It meant that whenever I saw her, I didn’t feel judged pitied or pressured to eat or talk about what was bothering me. Aside from that however, it IS important that people know what you are going through. Whether it’s friends, family, parents, people online or blogs, having somewhere to go, with pure positivity and support is vital. Someone or somewhere you can be ultimately honest, without feeling judged.

Remove negativity. That means unfollowing blogs or websites that trigger you. They will understand, trust me. Get rid of those photo’s of you at your lowest weight, you don’t need them ever again, they only make you unhappy. Ignore negative people. Stay away from those who upset or frustrate you. Be around people who make you happy, make you feel a million dollars and love you for who you are, whoever or whatever that may be. Wean yourself off thinspo. Cover mirrors. Every time you recognise a negative feeling, or you start hating on yourself, determine the trigger and try to do something about it, as soon as you possibly can.

Use structured tasks, be specific. ‘Recovery’ doesn’t identify anything. Write down a few small things you want to work on, and then one other larger thing. Each day try and work towards achieving those things. Start working on it bit by bit. Set a date to accomplish it by if you want to, but don’t feel down hearted or get down on yourself if you don’t achieve it by that date – as long as you try that is all that matters, all the steps you take to TRY and achieve those goals will contribute towards recovery, they’ll start adding up and eventually you’ll be doing things you never could without even realising it.

Which leads me on to another point – be nice to yourself. DON’T beat yourself up at any time. Yes recognise where you have made a mistake, identify areas where you could be doing better, but don’t ever consider yourself a failure for not achieving a goal you have set yourself. Recovery is not easy, everyone would be doing it if it was. The fact that you are thinking about, attempting or just intending to recover is a huge thing – you should be proud of yourself.

When you are in a positive mindset, write down all the things that your eating disorder has taken away from you. It’s really important to do this at a time where you have a lot of fight in you, because you will be realistic and won’t look through rose tinted glasses. Every single thing, you’re friends, your social life, your education, your relationships with family, your life. Absolutely anything that has been tainted or taken away by your eating disorder. Save this list to look at when you are lacking motivation, remind yourself that this is the reality, and it will only get worse if you continue to deny yourself recovery.

Again, when you are in a positive mindset, write down all the things recovery will give you. Don’t just focus on the physical, in evitable weight gain, you will gain so much more mentally and emotionally from recovery, and having some extra weight on you will be worth it. The importance of your appearance and the way you feel about your body will slowly diminish the more you realise that recovery doesn’t just affect the ‘eating’ side of things, it influences everything. It gives you energy, life, happiness, lessons from struggles, the list goes on. Keep this list nearby, again for times when you are struggling, or just when you need a reason to keep fighting. Even if you are not engaging in recovery, just considering, still write this list, it’ll give you something to look forward to. Trust me.

Change your perspective, the way you view things. Rather than say, ‘I am in recovery’ state, confidently with your head held high and a sense of pride ‘I am recovering’. Recovery is like a journey on a train, you’ll go through hills and troughs, ups and downs, slow and fast, beautiful weather and dreadful storms. You don’t simply sit on the platform viewing the inside of the station. You can’t fall ‘off’ or ‘out of’ recovery if you are recovering. It’s a constant process, a cycle, even if relapse features in this, you are still recovering.

On that note, relapse. Prepare for it, see it as inevitable, know that just because you slip back a little, doesn’t mean you have to slip back a lot. Instead of feeling like a failure, or that you are no longer recovering, appreciate the opportunity to see how far you have come, let yourself stay there for a day or two if you feel the need, and then start to claw yourself out again. Remind yourself how far you’ve come, how you are getting there and be grateful for the fact that you are now stronger, just in case your demons come back to haunt you again – you’ll be able to fight them with the knowledge and experience you already have.

The sooner you start recovery, the sooner you’ll finish. It doesn’t matter whether you are taking tiny tiny steps, or huge great leaps, it all counts towards the end result. Taking you closer to the life you want and truly deserve. Provided you are always moving forward, whether it’s a little extra spread on your toast, or semi skimmed instead of skimmed milk, it’s all moving forward. Keep moving forward.

Keep a recovery journal or blog. Ban anything negative, put that somewhere else, this will be your shrine to recovery and all things positive. Unless you are turning a negative into a positive, keep any of these thoughts away. Retrain your brain, the moment a negative thought enters your mind, reframe it, talk it through, re think it. Be rational, eventually situations and problems will automatically be seen in a positive light, and that includes aspects of yourself. Write down something you have done towards your recovery every single day, something large, something small, just something,

Don’t be afraid to ask for the opinion of others. People you trust will tell you whether you are slipping. Don’t push people away. Learn to just sit with the discomfort or embarrassment of others knowing, that feeling will pass and you will be glad of the support. Be honest to others, once you start lying to others, you are only lying to yourself; you are only sabotaging yourself, and your own recovery. Remember – you deserve more.

Recovery isn’t a massive mountain to climb in a day, recovery isn’t a single challenge. It’s a series of little ones, and the journey is different for each and every individual. Don’t compare your journey to others; it is personal to you, only you know what works for you and how you are doing. Think of recovery as a book of puzzles, easy, medium, and hard with a couple of random ones thrown in. Sometimes you’ll be doing fine, the next you’ll be on your knees. Appreciate the highs whilst you can, and learn from the lows as you go through them.

Recovery is a learning process, any mistakes or problems are a chance to learn, a lesson learnt, never a failure. Always a lesson. Every time things become hard, just see them as a test of your morale, be thankful for them, they are showing you how strong you are and what you are capable of. Your ability to cope will be forever improving and know that next time you are faced with something difficult, you will be even stronger, capable and better equipped to deal with it. Always a lesson, never a failure.

Be nice to yourself, recovery is damn hard, worth it, but damn hard. You deserve treats and rewards for your hard work. You’ll be testing yourself every single day; you need to have positive associations with recovery. You’re achievements and attempts (even if you don’t achieve them) deserve to be rewarded. If you can’t think of something, ask a friend, family, parents or someone online to think of something for you. I’m sure they’ll be glad of it and will feel proud and privileged to be part of your recovery.

Recovery is possible. Be realistic, know that some days you’ll be on top of the world, hold on to those moments, remember them, write about them because some days, the easiest thing in the world would be to give up. But who said anything worth having was easy? It’s all a cycle and nothing lasts forever. The minute the thought of recovery enters your mind, the minute you start taking steps, you are on the way to better things, that you truly, as a human being on this earth with lungs to breathe and a heart to love, truly truly deserve.

Tam x (takingbackmystrength)